So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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