sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
