I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
