so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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