We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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