Duck Duck Cougar?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
