I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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