so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Drake has all the answers
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
