Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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