Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
