He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
