i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
