my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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