come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and weāre drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
At least Iām an āessential employeeā and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesnāt ask why Iām essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
