Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
420 ftw
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
