College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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