I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
