He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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