yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
