Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
