WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
