paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
