I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I will be naked everywhere
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Drunk is not a location!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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