If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
