So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
