I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
