i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
