i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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