she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
