i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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