If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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