it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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