I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
