Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
