Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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