I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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