mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
