is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
