Barsexuality is the new black.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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