So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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