Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
