I hate all girls vehemently.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
