i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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