you guys were way drunker than both of me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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