Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
