if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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