literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The feeling are messing with the penis
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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