So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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