I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
