I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
