I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
