too bad you live with your parents still
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.