is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
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Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night