My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS