i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.