i think my tv is drunk
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT