If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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