I wish I could teleport
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
