i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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