Ambien. No doubt about it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
