Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
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I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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