Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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