He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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