Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
