I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We had to coat check the pizza.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
